


He's The Guy I Am Totally Into

by dr33g



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Post-Canon, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, jakey wakey has abandonment issues and i love him very much, rich and michael are trans Fight Me, the nb characters and trans girl will be revealed later!!! they are part of the Squad tho ;p, this is a richjake fic but its a jake fic first and foremost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 04:46:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10983657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dr33g/pseuds/dr33g
Summary: Jake Dillinger has had his house burned down by his best friend, and he has not felt this good in a very long time. That doesn't mean his problems are gone, and everyone is reeling after the SQUIP incident.And for once in his life, Jake feels a little less alone.





	1. Sbarro's Is A Magical Place

**Author's Note:**

> AAAA TYSM FOR READING THIS!! honestly i cant promise anything like constant updates or that i will even finish this fic but i promise i will try  
> thank you for giving my fic a chance  
> hope you enjoy!!!!!!

Jake stared at the space where his house used to stand. His cat, Molly, was clutched to his chest, and he felt. Nothing. That house was empty and all that was stored in there was the ache of knowing no one was there to care.

Unless, of course, Rich was there. But Jake didn’t really want to think about that right now.

He also didn’t want to think about the fact that he was so utterly alone, but he didn’t have any of the things that made him happy available to him. His broken legs cost him most of his extracurriculars, especially after he walked on them  _ while _ they were broken, and his best friend was in the hospital after severely burning himself in the fire that had caused all of this.

So he was left with one thought. It was just him and Molly, in a hotel room while he used money that shouldn’t belong to him to rebuild his house. 

At least it was close to a Sbarro. 

And so, with that, Jake put on a smile, gave Molly some scritches on the head, and said aloud, “This sucks, but I’ll be fine. I can do this!” Not a single soul other than the cat and the speaker heard it. But the point wasn’t to be heard. It was to convince the speaker of his own words. 

Jake picked up his suitcase, packed with all new clothes and new toiletries and new everything. And he left. He felt a piece of him stay in that place he had been standing in. That piece was the part of him that lived in that house. The part that ached for his parents. The part that saw every empty room as rejection. Every silence. Every time he did the chores himself, no parent to tell him to do it but no parent to help. Every time he felt the silence return when a party had ended or Rich had left. 

That wasn’t to say Jake would never feel lonely again, but he no longer had a big house with empty rooms covered in dust that hadn’t been touched for months on end to remind him that he was alone. 

Instead, he had a small hotel room with a cat and a Sbarro within a minute of where he was staying. That was good. And safe. And Jake was excited.

Even if that excitement had been forced at first.

Jake arrived at the hotel and checked in, quickly walking to his room. The first thing he did was set up everything Molly would need, her food, litter box, scratching post, etc., and then he put his clothes in the drawers. Once he was mostly unpacked, he sighed and laid down on his bed, exhausted. Molly immediately came up and sat on his chest, giving a small meow as if to say, “You did it.” He was infinitely grateful that he had asked one of his neighbors to watch Molly during the party. Without her, he probably would’ve lacked the motivation to even do his physical therapy.

Speaking of physical therapy, he had to do his leg, hip, and knee exercises.

He sat up and began to do the simple exercises his physical therapist had taught him. It had been a hard recovery, especially since he had to get surgery after breaking off pieces of the bones by standing on them while they were broken.

He told himself that was the reason he hadn’t gone to see Rich yet. 

He knew he was lying.

After the whole incident, well, Jeremy and Michael had told the group two stories. One was the one that they were going to use to explain to everyone that heard of the incident and needed something to explain what had happened. Ecstasy. Simple.

The second was that of what actually happened. The whole thing.

It sounded fake. Made up. Like a bad sci-fi movie. 

Jake believed them. He remembered the sound of the SQUIP talking to him and telling him that this was the ultimate upgrade. That this would make him the best, and that he would never be left alone again. He remembered how connected he was to everyone, how his insecurities had been deleted and he had been a part of a loving group. He still felt it now.

And it somewhat explained why Rich had burned down his house.

And why the Rich he had talked to in his own house had those subtle differences to the one that yelled at anyone less cool than him. The one everyone else saw.

And Jake was afraid. That Rich was different, and maybe. Just maybe, this Rich wouldn’t want to spend time with a fake jock who really only did all of those activities to feel loved and wanted.

Maybe Rich had only been his friend for the status. Because his SQUIP said it was for the best.

While deep down Jake knew that wasn’t the case, the thought still plagued him and kept him from visiting his friend. 

But he had decided to go visit Rich the following day after school. He was extremely nervous, but also terribly excited. He had missed him a whole lot, and even the idea of seeing Rich again made Jake smile widely. He just hoped it went well. Honestly, even if Rich still liked Jake and wanted to be his friend, Jake was sure that Rich would be a least a little mad that Jake had taken so long to visit.

After all, it was about a week until Rich was to be released, or so he heard from Jeremy. And while, yes, Jake’s life and recovery time had taken up quite a significant chunk of the time Rich had been in the hospital, who couldn’t spare at least an hour for their best friend.

It was Sunday, and Jake had homework. It was about 5 o’clock, and Jake usually took anywhere from half an hour to four hours to complete his homework, so he decided he should probably start soon.

Not before scoping out his new home away from the hotel room, aka the Sbarro across the street. He quickly shot a text to Chloe, asking if she wanted to join him.

hey wanna join up? :0 theres a sbarro near my hotel room!!!!

For dinner? Now?

yeah!

Hmmmmm…

chloe PLEASE

:(

UGH, fine.

You’re such a pain, sometimes.

i try ;)

anyway!!!!

see ya there!!!!! ily

I love you, too, you huge dork.

Be there in 5 or so.

A smile on his face, Jake stood up, carefully, and opened a can of wet cat food, dumping the contents into Molly’s bowl. He kissed her on the face, and she purred a little, the perfect baby, and he left. The walk wasn’t far, only across the street, and he arrived only a few seconds earlier than Chloe did.

“Hey! What’s up?” Jake said.

“Hello, Jake, I’m just fine, thank you for asking. How are you?”

Jake closed his eyes and put on an overly tired face, replying, “Exhausted. Who knew moving a few possessions could tire someone out?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I have a feeling you’re just hungry and lazy.” Jake pouted. Chloe laughed. “Who knew the big shot jock could be a lazy ass?”

“You forget, I’m forbidden from playing every sport including running and jumping now. I’m even supposed to be careful when dancing. This jock can no longer sport.”

“Poor baby. How ever will he survive?” Chloe’s bright smile softened. “I know how much all of that meant to you, and I’m sorry it was taken from you by a crazy supercomputer. At least you can keep archery and model UN. And play rehearsal, though I do wonder if that one experience was enough for all of us.”

Jake let a laugh out, one of the real ones that sounded like a sharp cackle rather than a ‘manly chuckle’. “I have a feeling Christine will convince some of us to give it another go.”

“True, true. Anyway, we did come here for a dinner date. Shall we continue this inside?” 

Jake extended an arm to his friend, responding, “ Oh, we shall.” Chloe snorted, shook her head, then took his arm, entering the Sbarro. 

They ordered, Chloe getting a spinach stromboli, she’s classy, and Jake getting pepperoni pizza, a classic. They sat down, and after about one bite, Chloe said, “Alright, why’d you ask to meet me here?”

“Uh, ‘cause you’re one of my closest friends?” Chloe raised an eyebrow. “I’m serious!”

“Are you sure it’s not so I can help you with the anxiety of seeing Rich tomorrow?”

“Yes. If anything, it was so I didn’t feel lonely in this Sbarro tonight. I am anxious about tomorrow, but I sincerely doubt you’d be able to help.”

“Um, rude?”

“Chloe, no offense, but you’re terrible at making others feel better about themselves and the situations they’re in.” She scowled at Jake, taking a bite of her stromboli. 

“Hey, I have useful advice.”

“Sometimes.”

“I can’t believe I drove all the way here to be insulted by a fake jock. You aren’t even wearing a real letterman jacket.”

“I can’t believe I invited my friend to dinner, paid for it, just to be called a fake jock.” Chloe gave a soft smile. Jake reciprocated. 

“Really, though, Jake, I know you had another reason to invite me.” Jake’s smile slowly dissipated and he looked down at his plate.

“I guess… I want someone to help me understand my feelings about my house.”

“Hmm. Go on.”

“So, it’s gone, right?” Chloe nodded. “And that should make me feel sad.”

“But you don’t.”

“No, I don’t! Instead I feel liberated. Like the pressure to be the best and the abandonment of my parents burned down with it. I mean it’s still there but. I can just. Be Jake Dillinger. And not have to worry about what they’d think of me if they were here or if I’d disappoint them. And the ache of knowing that they aren’t here to care or love me is almost gone. I’m just. Free.”

“That’s good.” 

“Is it, though? Or is it a little fucked up that I had my house burnt down and am relishing in the feeling rather than mourning.”

“Jake, it’s wonderful. I’ve known you for a while, seeing as you’re the best beard I could ask for, and I know how much your parents leaving you affected you. I remember how empty you were for like, a month. I remember how even after you had mostly recovered, the only thing keeping you going was every possible extracurricular you could think of. Was being the best. That way if they ever came back, they could be proud of you. That way everyone would think everything’s fine. That way you could feel like everything’s fine. But it wasn’t. The stress you put on yourself and the loneliness that plagued you left you empty. 

“Then, well, you met Rich. You got Molly. And while it wasn’t perfect, you were better. The fact that that has gone from  _ better _ to where it is now is astounding. Jake, I know it feels fucked up, but you’re in a better place now. And I’m happy for you.”

“You really think it’s good that I’m like this?”

“Hell yeah, I do.” Jake smiled.

“Thanks. I appreciate it a lot.”

“Anything for you.”

Jake’s smile turned to half a sneer as he said in the most agitating way he could muster, “Am I really the best beard you could ask for?” 

Chloe made a fake indignant sound before responding, “More like the worst. I had to pretend to be your jealous ex for months, Jake. All because you wanted to pursue your own romantic interests.”

“Oh no, I was attracted to someone and wanted to have sex with them, I’m the meanest person on Earth.”

“You really are, you know.”

“You were pretty good at pretending to be my jealous ex. You even had Rich fooled for a while, and he was aware of the situation.”

“Really?” Jake nodded. “Damn, I must be a better actress than I thought.” Jake laughed.

“I think you did better here than you did in the school play because you didn’t have lines to memorize. And you could channel your inner jealousy towards every dude that went out with Brooke.” Chloe shot him a rather annoyed look. “What?”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. I was amazing at it, and that’s all that matters. Now, I wanna hear about your anxiety about Rich.” Chloe took a rather big bite of her stromboli, looking at Jake expectantly. Jake sighed loudly.

“Why should I tell you?”

Chloe tried to speak around her large bite, saying, “Because we both know getting it off your chest will help.” 

“Ugh, fine. I’m anxious because I think that maybe Rich only hung out with me because of his Squip.” Chloe stared at him, annoyance clear in her face. “What? It’s a valid worry.”

“Yeah, except Rich has been asking about you every time anyone visited.”

“Huh?”

“Every single time someone visits, he asks if you are ever planning on visiting, and when we’d say, ‘oh uh I dunno’ he’d always deflate and say, ‘oh, ok’. When we told him that you were planning on visiting tomorrow, he almost fell out of the hospital bed. The look on his face was of pure admiration and excitement. He misses you and he enjoys being your friend. The real question you should be asking yourself is if you’re ready to meet the real Rich.”

“What? Of course, I am. He’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, but he’s changed. A lot. Rich asked us to not say anything as he wanted to make sure he re-met you the proper way or whatever, but he’s not the same person he was with his SQUIP. Are you ready for that guy to become your best friend? The one with insecurities and issues he can’t just dump onto a supercomputer in his brain and has to talk it out?

“Are you ready to be his support?” Jake stared at Chloe, now even more anxious than before.

“See, this is why I shouldn’t’ve talked to you about it. I’m now even more nervous than before. It’s not like he didn’t talk it out before, y’know. I know about his problems.”

“But he always said them in a half-joking tone, right? That was because he had his SQUIP to take the brunt of the stress off of him. He knew how to avoid the situations that stressed him out and how to deal with them to get the best outcome possible when he couldn’t avoid them. Now, he has to deal with them by himself. Can you be the best friend to that guy? Or will you try to joke off his problems.”

“I… I can try?”

“You’d better. You may be my best friend after Brooke, but I will beat your ass if you hurt Rich.”

“You say that like I wouldn’t beat myself up first.”

“Fair enough.” There are a few moments of silence where both of them ate. Then, Chloe spoke up and said, “Jake, you know I believe in you, right? I do think you can be Rich’s best friend. You’re one of the kindest people I know. I just don’t think you really realized that Rich was so comfortable in his own skin before because there was a computer making him into something he felt he could be proud of.”

“Thanks, Chlo. Your continued support will get me through anything.”

“It’d better help. I put so much energy into it, I’d hate to support you for naught.” Jake stuck his tongue out at her, and she sneered back. True friendship at its finest. 

“Alright, you’ve basically finished your food, but I’ve barely started, so tell me about the situation with Brooke.”

“Weeeeell…” Chloe said in a high pitched voice.

“What? Did you accidentally tell Brooke that you are the most heterosexual girl in school or something?”

“Dear lord, even  _ I _ can’t make that sound true, and I made Rich believe I was your jealous ex. But I may have… Told her I have a crush on someone.”

“Did you mention it was her and that it has been her for like 2 years.”

“No…”

“Chloe Valentine, what did you do?”

“I may have told her I have a crush on her cousin?”

“Oh. My God.  _ Chloe _ .”

“I know! I know, reeeeaaally stupid move. But I was gonna tell her I liked her but then I panicked and said I had a crush on her cousin, Lucas.”

“Chloe. That’s. The opposite of telling her you like her.

“I’m very aware of that, thanks.” Chloe held her head in her hands. “Jake, I’m so fucked.”

“Can’t argue with you there.”

“But really, what am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to tell her I like her, or even come out to her. Do you just walk up and say, ‘Hey, in case you were wondering, I’m a huge lesbian! And I want to hold your hand and do dating stuff with you! And have wanted to for two years now!’? Because that’s the best I’ve got.”

“What if you did an extremely sappy ‘hey go out with me’ thing with like a bouquet of her favorite flowers and candy and stuff? And just be honest about all of your shit.”

“You think that’d work?”

“This is Brooke Lohst we’re talking about. If it’s cheesy and dorky, she’ll be enamored with it.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, man! I believe in you.”

“Thanks.” For the rest of the evening, they talked about little things, until they both left to do homework. Well, Jake left to do homework. Chloe is one of those people that’s organized enough to get it done Friday night and still have the time to go to parties and such. But Jake still had to do his homework, so he briskly walked to his hotel room and begin the terrible torture hours that are homework in Junior year. It took him until about 11:45, but when he was done, he quickly made sure all of Molly’s needs were met, then changed into his pajamas and fell asleep incredibly quickly, Molly sleeping next to him on the bed.

-

He was back at the play. Everything was frozen. All he could see was his squip in front of him. A mocking smile from the features of a person that Jake could both recognize in an instant and had no idea who it was. 

It was, funnily enough, the CEO of Sbarro’s, J. David Karam. He was the man that Jake heard in his head that night. And he heard it now.

“If you let us take over, your parents will never think poorly of you again. You will be the ultimate you. They will come back and wonder why they ever left. You will never be left behind. Do you want to take this upgrade?” And Jake reached out but instead all he felt was the eyes of people. They thought he wasn’t enough. All around him. They weren’t there but they were staring and they were everywhere but he couldn’t see them he could feel their eyes and they were eating him he had to but he couldn’t move and it was everything and nothing and 

“Fine, if you don’t want it, then I suppose I’ll just ruin.” And then the CEO of his favorite restaurant turned and then his father said, “I thought you wanted us to be proud of you? I thought you wanted us to love you? Do you not love us?” And tears and Jake couldn’t breathe or think or 

-

Jake had become accustomed to the nightmares, but he’d never seen his parents. He had seen his own father. Telling him he wasn’t enough. And while it didn’t hurt as much as it would’ve before, the heartache physically hurt him.

The worst part is, he wasn’t sure if that was even what his dad looked like. 


	2. Tears And Bandages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake goes to school, has a killer sandwich, then meets with Rich for the first time in months.  
> Tears are shed, secrets are revealed, and Jake finds himself wearing more red than usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LKFJDSSDL I GOT A SECOND CHAPTER OUT im amazing B)  
> anyways, heres a few notes:  
> i headcanon jake as pan. simple as that  
> rich and michael are trans in this fic!! as a trans nb dude, i hope i do it justice :D  
> i believe that jake is the one that took rich out of the fire. fight me on that !!!!  
> my characterization of brooke is the only weak part out of all the characters in bmc, so she wont be featured a lot in the beginning!! at least until i figure her out  
> jakes a Fool

Waking up sucks. Waking up from nightmares sucks even more.

Waking up from a nightmare 1 minute before your alarm is supposed to go off sucks most of all.

Jake sat in bed, sweating, tears in the corners of his eyes, hearing his alarm irritatingly beep at him, telling him to get up and go to school.

After a few minutes, the sound eventually faded enough in Jake’s mind so that he couldn’t hear it at all, but Molly was beginning to poke him, so he finally sat up and turned it off. Jake sighed, and got out of bed, first showering, hoping that maybe the hot water would wake him up, maybe relieving him of the pressure in his arms and head.

Thankfully, it did. A little. Enough to know that once he had some ‘breakfast’, he’d be fine.

He was glad. He would hate if his visit to Rich was ruined or had to be postponed by a depressive episode, especially after hearing Rich had been so excited to see him.

After putting on his clothes, he went into his kitchen, meeting all of Molly’s needs such as feeding her and cleaning her litter box, then he grabbed his keys and his backpack, double-checking that everything was packed for today. Once he was sure he had everything he needed, he gave Molly a goodbye kiss and left.

The drive to school was quiet but peaceful, and once Jake stopped at Starbucks to get his ‘breakfast’, aka an iced mocha and a croissant, he felt a lot better.

Jake got to school, sat down in first period, first greeting Chloe, who sat to his right, and Christine, who sat in front of him, before zoning out and letting the lecture begin.

-

Lunch came slowly, but once it had begun, Jake was all but vibrating in his seat.

“Someone’s excited,” said Michael, sitting down at his usual spot at their table.

“I just… Really missed Rich, y’know? I’m so excited to see him after school today.”

Michael replied, “He’s probably feeling the same.”

Chloe then showed up and took her rightful place next to Michael and said, “We talking about Jake’s love life?”

Jake scowled and said, “Chloe, kindly shut the fuck up.”

“Nah.” She had a wide grin on her face. So far, Michael was the only one who knew Chloe was a lesbian and that she and Jake were only dating for show. Chloe just hadn’t felt ready to come out to the rest of the group yet, but she and Michael had become rather close in these past few months, so she had told him.

See, Michael and Chloe represented true solidarity between wlw and mlm. As did Jake and Chloe, even more so than Chloe and Michael. And the entire friend group, if Jake, Chloe, and Michael’s triple strength gaydar was correct. But, hey, you never know.

“Really, Jake, you’re almost shaking in your seat. Did you miss Rich that much?” Chloe asked, joking tone laid on thick in her voice.

Jake paused then said, “Yes,” in a very quiet voice, obviously not fond of being made fun of for missing his friend. You could almost see the _“Oh, right, the abandonment issues”_ cross Chloe’s mind.

Michael also seemed to pick up why Jake was upset, and said, “Hey, man, if it were Jer, I’d feel the same. I’m happy you finally get to see him. Like I said, he’s probably just as excited.” Jake smiled at Michael warmly, appreciating the reassurance that Rich cared about him just as much as he cared about Rich.

It was at that time that Jeremy took his place across from Michael, and Jenna sat down at her spot, to the right of Jake. Seeing as the conversation that Chloe, Michael, and Jake had had just come to an end, they all stared at Jeremy for no fault of Jeremy’s other than being tall.

“H-Hey, guys. What’s everybody staring for?” Jeremy was obviously extremely nervous, as his face was all splotchy with red.

Michael said, “No reason, buddy, human eyes are just attracted to movement so when you came over we automatically looked to you.”

“O-Oh. Gotcha.” Jeremy gave a weak smile before beginning to eat the weird mac and cheese that was being served today. Judging by the look on Jeremy’s face, it wasn’t something to look forward to.

“Oof, that bad?” Michael asked.

Jeremy thought for a moment, then said, “I-It’s… Worse than I thought it would be, but not terrible?”

Michael replied, “The real question is if it’s edible.”

“Not even close,” said Jake, who had elected to try it. He was very nauseous now.

“Cool. I made everyone sandwiches, so it’s fine.” Michael then proceeded to open his backpack and throw a sandwich at Christine, who had just sat down.

“Ah! Michael, don’t just throw things at people!” Christine bent over and grabbed the sandwich she had failed to catch, and then her eyes widened. “Is this what I think it is?”

“Peanut butter and jelly with bananas and spinach? Yep.” Michael gave a smug smile.

“How did you know that was my favorite?”

“I’m just cool like that.” Michael then pulled another sandwich out, looked at it, then handed it to Jeremy. “Here’s your vinegar hell sandwich.”

“What?” Jake asked.

“My favorite sandwich is pickles, mustard, oil and vinegar, lettuce, a fuck ton tuna, and salt and pepper. And sometimes, I like to add Cheez-its.”

Chloe was clearly affronted, as she asked, “That sounds disgusting. How is that edible?”

Jeremy took a big bite, smiled, and then said around his food, “It’s delicious!”

Brooke had chosen that time to sit down and immediately gagged. “Jeremy, please don’t,” she said.

Jeremy swallowed and said, “Sorry, Brooke, hehe.”

Michael had gotten out his own sandwich, and he began commenting on the contents as he went, and whenever someone received theirs, they would try it, and make some sexual noises. His sandwich was, apparently, marshmallow fluff, Nutella, peanut butter, and a little jam. So, somehow entirely condiments. Chloe’s was tomato, mozzarella, lettuce, with oil and vinegar. Jenna’s was mayo, turkey, salami, and swiss. Brooke’s had lettuce, tomato, swiss, and mustard. And, last, was Jake’s.

“Turkey, cheddar, salami, pepperoni, red onions, lettuce, classic ruffles, and so much mayo that you think it’d be inedible and then a little bit more. Here you go!” Jake looked at the sandwich, then at Michael, shocked.

“I have never eaten this sandwich in front of any of you, not even Chloe. How did you know it’s my favorite?”

“I visited Jeremy every possible second I could while he was in the hospital, and I still visit Rich fairly often and being the resident sandwich chef, I asked him what your favorite sandwich was.” The fact that Rich had remembered all of those ingredients made Jake more than a little emotional.

Hearing that Michael had been visiting Rich more often than he had made him feel like a shitty friend.

“Thanks, bro.” Jake forced a smile, hoping no one would notice that he was upset and that it would banish his bad feelings. The first part was achieved. The second was not.

“No problem, dude!” Jake then took a bite of his essentially mayonnaise stew, and he made an indecent noise. “I’m great, right?”

“Dude, this is my favorite sandwich and you somehow turned it from guilty pleasure lunch to gourmet meal? How?”

Michael said, “I have a knack for sandwiches.” Jeremy nodded, having just finished his own sandwich.

“He’s been able to make fantastic sandwiches since we were kids. To this day it is a mystery how he does them. I could copy his exact movements and end up with a mediocre sandwich.”

“What Jer’s trying to say is I have magic sandwich powers. So, I’m a sand-witch.” Michael added a wink to go with his terrible joke, and about three-quarters of the table groaned. Jake barked out a laugh, and Michael smiled at him, acknowledging his appreciation for terrible puns.

Chloe said, “Michael, I love you, but I swear to God, if you make more shitty puns, I will personally take this plastic knife and use it to cut your fingers off.” Chloe was clearly annoyed in a way you can only be with one of your best friends.

“Chloeeee, that’s meeeaaan.” Michael began to dramatically flail his arms.

“It’s for your own good, Michael,” said Chloe. She emphasized her point by waving her plastic knife around to punctuate the sentence. She then took a bite of her sandwich, groaned, and then said, “Okay, seriously, Michael, what the fuck.”

Michael just shrugged and said, “I have magic sandwich powers.”

For the rest of lunch, the group of friends just chatted, feeling close and warm and at home. Jake couldn’t help but wonder if it’d feel even better with all eight of them there.

-

It was after school, and Jake was sitting in his car. Not driving.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go visit Rich. In fact, he knew for a fact that, even if it killed him, he would drive to the hospital and visit his best friend.

The issue was he couldn’t quite get the motivation to do the driving.

But he knew he had to do it. For himself. For Rich.

And so, he drove to the hospital. Even though his anxiety about the whole situation was amplified and he was extremely nervous.

He walked into the hospital and went to the front desk.

Jake said, “Hi, I’m, uh, here to visit Richard Goranski?” Jake was fidgeting with the end of his sleeves and forcing a smile, trying to seem calm about the situation. The man at the front desk scanned the page in front of him, slightly confused.

He shook his head lightly, and then said, “Yes, of course. The room you’re looking for is Room 304.” Jake nodded, smiled at the man, thanked him, and then headed towards the elevator. After pressing the correct button, he tapped his hands on his thighs. Elevators always gave him headaches, but luckily the ride was short. He exited quickly and walked to the room labeled 304 and stopped.

Jake walked into Rich’s room, extremely nervous, but also excited. It had been months since he had spoken to his best friend, and he had missed him so much.

And the way Rich’s face lit up when he saw Jake made everything 100x more worth it.

He was in his hospital bed, bandages covering his arms, neck, and even a section of his face.

His arms quickly went to wrap around near his chest area, and he said, “Yo, Jakey D! You’re here! Uh, how are you?” Rich’s face was split into the biggest grin Jake had ever seen on Rich’s face, and Jake couldn’t help but mirror it.

“I’m doing great, dude. How are you?”

“Oh, y’know, recovering from my, uh, burn. I’m all healed now! I’m waiting for the go-ahead to leave, though.” Jake was so happy to see his best friend in such a good place.

“I’m glad you’re all better. I’ve missed you, bro.”

“Uh, me too! I’m happy you’re here, man. I wondered when you were gonna show up! Hehe.” Rich’s face looked a little pained during that last part, and it was all it took for Jake to shatter.

Tears in his eyes, Jake said, “Dude, I’m so sorry I didn’t visit until now. It’s been months and I haven’t even texted you or anything. I’m a shitty friend.”

“No! No, dude, you’re an amazing friend!”

“Dude, not visiting for you in the many months since you’ve been admitted is one of the shittiest things a friend could do. And it was all because I was afraid you were, well, only my friend because of the SQUIP.”

“Dude, what? No! You’re my bro! I may have become your friend due to that thing, but the bond we had was real. I promise.” Rich winced. Jake blinked.

Did. Did his best friend have a lisp?

“Dude, holy shit. Do you have a lisp?”

“Maybe…” A thousand thoughts a minute were going through Jake’s mind.

_‘Holy shit, he has a lisp. Did the SQUIP block it out? Why is it the most attractive and adorable thing I’ve ever heard? Am I blushing? What the fuck?’_

Now, Jake had known since he was very little that boys are cute and that kissing them would be nice. People, in general, are just cute and kissing is just nice. He started identifying as pansexual in the beginning of sophomore year.

But he’s never been attracted to his best friend. And he’s pretty sure he is now.

_‘It’s been like 3 minutes since I walked in how can I already be feeling this gay.’_

“Dude, nice,” said Jake, forcefully not thinking about how Rich’s lisp was the cutest thing he’s ever heard. He hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“Really? I thought you’d think it was annoying.”

“Nah, man! I think it fits you. Like, really well, actually.”

“Oh! Well, uh, thanks.” _‘Holy mother of fuck if I feel that flustered every time he says a word with the letter ‘S’, this is going to be one hell of a problem.’_

“No problem, man!”

There was a beat of painful silence before Rich said, “I’m… Really glad you’re here, dude. I was so fucking afraid that you were mad at me? I mean, shit, dude, I burned down your house! And I was scared that maybe you didn’t want to be best buds with post-SQUIPped me. The me that has a lisp, that smiles too wide and eats too quickly. Who trips over his feet, who geeks out over engineering feats, who’s super fucking bi!” There were tears flowing down Rich’s face at this point, and snot coming out of his nose, and he was squeezing his chest. Jake could only stand there, looking down at his friend, absolutely heartbroken. “The real Richard Goranski, y’know? Like, at first, I knew it was because of your recovery. Then I realized that maybe you didn’t want to see the guy that broke your legs. And while everyone would tell me how your recovery was going and how you were, they never knew if you were coming to visit. When Chloe said that you were going to visit, I almost cried. My best friend finally wanted to see me. After the initial excitement wore off, I began to think about how maybe you wanted to see me so you could tell me you hated me. Which is like, fair, so I just freaked the fuck out over it for hours.

“And then you come. And you call my lisp cool and say that you missed me. And all I can think is, ‘how did I possibly end up with a best friend like this’. So. Yeah. That was an emotional dump. Sorry.”

“Dude, don’t be. I’m… Glad you said all of that stuff. And I really am sorry I didn’t visit. It was a dick move.”

“It was but. I forgive you.”

“I’m glad. Also, about burning down my house,” Rich winced, “it’s really not that big of a deal, bro. You know how much I hated that place. It actually was a pretty healing experience? Aside from the broken legs, of course.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, man! I feel a lot happier in my tiny hotel room near a Sbarro’s.”

“Oh, nice. How long have you been staying there?”

“For like a day.”

“Damn.”

“Molly’s already made it home, and so have I.”

“Nice.”

“Speaking of living situations, are you just moving back in with your dad after this?” Jake decided he should probably sit down. Standing and looking down at your friend is kinda weird.

“Yeah, I guess. What other choice do I have?” Rich looked really defeated, and once again, his arms had tightened around his ribcage.

“Well, if you wanted, you could stay with me? The couch has a pullout bed. There’s like a kitchenette area, and I wouldn’t mind living with you.”

Rich’s eyes were wide. He thought for a moment, then said, softly, “I wouldn’t want to intrude on your space. Besides, my dad would kill me if he thought I was moving out.”

Jake’s voice was firm as he said, “It wouldn’t intrude, I’d be happy to have you living with me. And, I bet your dad hasn’t even noticed you’ve been in the hospital. If we go in, sneak your clothes into a backpack, and leave, he won’t realize you’re gone for good. I want to get you out of that house, dude, and if I have to fight him myself, I will.”

“Jake, I… I don’t know what to say? I mean, yeah, I’d love to live with you, too, but… I really don’t know.”

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine. I just… I don’t want you back in that environment, especially without a SQUIP to help.”

“No, I do, but. Fuck, I guess I was going to mention it anyway, but. If we’re doing this, I do need to mention something.” And with that, Rich slowly removed his arms from his chest, where they had remained for the entirety of their conversation. “Y’know, no one remembers me from freshman year… It’s because there wasn’t a Richard Goranski enrolled.”

And with that, Jake suddenly understood a lot of things.

“There was a Rachel, though.”

Jake said, “Oh. Alright. Do you have binders? Have you been safely binding? If you’ve been binding dangerously, I’m going to be somewhat upset.”

Rich was obviously startled that that was how Jake had chosen to respond. He replied,“Scott bought me a proper binder when he left for college. That’s what allowed me to show up at school as myself.”

“Oh, ok.” Scott Goranski was never around because he wanted to get away from his father the second that he could. But, he loved his little brother quite a lot, and would get Rich anything he needed. “Do you only have the one? Or did he get you more? Because we can get you more.”

“I have a half binder and a full chest.”

“Alright, that works.”

“You’re surprisingly okay with this.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? You’re still my best friend, dude. The fact that people told you that you were a girl for a while changes nothing.”

Rich smiled softly, tears in his eyes, a different smile from the one Jake was used to. It was much more genuine. Even this soft smile had more energy than the ones Jake had seen when he was SQUIPped. It showed off his teeth and it made his whole face look so happy and Jake was pretty sure he was turning bright red. _‘Wow, it’s been less than half an hour, way to be a gay mess, Jake.’_

And, in a moment of pure, unadulterated foolishness, Jake decided to make it worse by asking, “So, I hear that the real Rich Goranski nerds out about engineering. Tell me about that, maybe?”

Rich’s eyes lit up and his smile widened as he began explaining how Michael and he were going to convince Mr. Reyes to do a play that has someone flying so they could build some kind of contraption so that they could fly. It had to do with a lot of physics, something that Jake wasn’t exactly interested in, but the way that Rich described it all made it completely worth listening to.

-

Visiting hours were coming to a close, and Jake had to leave.

“Hey, dude, I’m really happy I got to talk to you today. I can visit tomorrow if you’d like?”

“Yeah, man! We got a lot of time to catch up on, y’know?”

“Yeah. Later, man!”

“Later!” Rich gave a big grin and Jake walked out as calmly as he could muster, despite the fact that his face hurt from blushing and his heart was beating like crazy.

He had it bad.

He knew there were only two people in the world who could help him in this moment.

hey after visiting on friday do u think we could have like…

a powwow

CV: Why?

MM: yeah why lol

im having a gay crisis

rich is the cutest person i have ever met what the fuck

CV: Oh, love.

CV: We understand.

CV: I’ll get pizza and classy soda.

MM: im bringin nail polish and bad movies

CV: This is the gay solidarity chat, so if you need to talk about it, we’re here.

thanks

CV: Also, we’re making a new one that has Rich in it.

CV: Seeing as he’s bi, and all.

oh sweet

CV: This one will still exist for your pansexual disaster stories that involve him.

thanks -_-

MM: hey if it makes u feel any better rich is gonna heere my stories B)

CV: Michael, I’m going to kill you.

XD DUDE NICE

MM: did

MM: did you just say ‘XD’

yeah why :0

MM: no reason

MM: none at all

MM: anyways

MM: good luck being gay as fuck for ur best friend

MM: we can burn together

Jake smiled at his phone as he walked out of the hospital. He got into his car, and drove home, ready to say hello to Molly and do his homework.

He got home and the first thing he did was put food in Molly’s bowl. She came up to him and purred before going to eat it and he grabbed the chips he had bought from the vending machine at the hospital and got to work.

He really only had math homework, and he was really good at math, but because he was in BC Calculus, it took longer than he would’ve preferred.

By the time he was done, it was around 12:30. He was exhausted, but happy, and he quickly headed to bed. Molly was being dorky and tried to sleep on top of him, but he gently rolled over so that she would get off and instead sleep next to him.

He fell asleep quickly, and, as they do, a nightmare was waiting.

-

It was one he was familiar with. Flames all around. Warm. Hot. Burning.

And Rich was in the center of it all. Unconscious.

Every time, Jake ran, grabbed his best friend, and ran out. The main door would be missing, and he’d run upstairs and jump out a window. The pain of his legs breaking would be nothing compared to the pain of seeing Rich.

Rich. Not breathing. He had been too late.

And then he was back in the fire. Hugging his best friend. Who was dead.

He was crying and the smoke was filling his lungs and he was burning burning burning.

And Rich was dead.

-

Waking up from that dream was always simultaneously the worst and best thing. No, Rich wasn’t dead. Yes, they had made it out.

But the terror of knowing they couldn’t have made it seeped into Jake’s bones and lived with him for the rest of the night.

He didn’t know what he would’ve done had that dream been a reality.

So he didn’t think about it.

He just closed his eyes and tried to not feel the warmth of his bed constrict him like it had, once.

And luckily, when he fell asleep a second time, it was dreamless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked this chapter!!!  
> the next one is going to be the rest of the weeks visits and lunches all at once and the one after that _should_ be the gay powwow  
>  i'll get it out as soon as i can!!!


	3. Can We Please Just Get To The Gay Powwow Now? No??? Ugh FINE Then

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday all pass slowly, seemingly stalling the exciting Friday and Saturday to come. Without extracurriculars, it passes even slower than Jake is used to, and only a few sections of those days are vivid enough to be remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS!!! im so sorry this chapter took so long!!! it wasn't planned very well and i was gone in a place w/out much access to my laptop for 20 days and i had Big Writers Block and it was just... Bad  
> hope you guys enjoy it!!! its longer than chapters 1 and 2 as a sorry for taking forever so B)  
> also also in this chapter jeremy's got a teeeenie crush on jake that isnt very obvious but if that stuff makes u uncomfortable then im sorry i just think that jer crushes on the Big Pretty Boy before he figures out that he likes michael that way.....

The next few days were pretty mindless, blurring together, with choice moments with his friends sticking out.

And the nightmares, of course.

Since he had missed some school for his surgeries, he had decided to take the time after school for mostly visiting Rich and catching up on school work, which meant quitting all of his extracurriculars.

He found it hurt both less and more than he thought it would.

-Tuesday: Lunch-

Jake sat down at the table, Jenna and Brooke already there.

“What’s up, Jenna?”

“Oh, you will not _believe_ who Avery Scottsdale slept with last night.”

“Jenna, I wasn’t asking about gossip, though I bet Chloe would love to hear when she gets here. I was asking how are you doing.”

“Oh!” Jenna was obviously surprised but pleased. “I’m doing great! Thanks for asking. There’s a presentation in French tomorrow that’s kinda stressing me out, but I’m pretty good with words, and it’s an oral presentation, so I’m pretty sure I’ll rock it.”

“Nice! I believe in you, dude.” Jenna grinned at him, and he smiled back.

Chloe sat down, and immediately Jenna said, “Oh my god, Chlo, guess who Avery Scottsdale slept with last night.”

Chloe’s eyes immediately lit up and she said, “Whoooooo?”

“Frank. Hemingway.”

“NO WAY! That nerd? Why?” At this point, Jake decided tuning out the conversation would be best, so he turned his attention to Brooke. He opened his mouth to say something until he realized Brooke had her attention set solely on Chloe. He sighed, smiling, and waited until Jeremy had sat down at the table.

“Yo, Jeremy, what’s hangin’, dude?”

“Uh, w-well, n-not much. How ab-bout you?”

“I’m doing awesome, dude.”

Michael sat down, a playful glint in his eye, and he said, “When Christine gets here, you better tell us how your visit with Rich went.”

Jenna’s eyes practically glowed as she said, “If you spare a single detail, I will rip you to shreds.”

Jake laughed, then said, “Don’t worry, I plan on telling you everything.” Jenna nodded with a smile. Jake whipped out his lunch, a bag of Sunchips and a bottle of Dr. Pepper. Michael frowns disapprovingly.

“Jake, that is not lunch.”

“What? I don't have the time nor energy to make myself lunch in the mornings, school lunch is probably poison, so I just get this stuff from the vending machine. Tell me you haven’t done that.”

Michael scowled, then said, “Fine. But I will make you a sandwich for you if you need me to. Every. Day.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Michael stuck his tongue out at Jake. Christine sat down with a box of food from somewhere outside of school. Smart.

“OKAY, CHRISTINE’S HERE TELL US,” screamed Jenna, obviously excited. Christine and Michael winced from the sudden noise, and Jenna said, “Oh, shit, sorry.”

Christine smiled warmly and said, “It’s alright! I know you’re excited about whatever someone has to tell us.”

Jake said, “I’m going to tell you guys about my visit with Rich.”

“Ooooooooo, go on!” Christine’s face lit up with an excited smile.

“Alright, so I walk into his room, and his face lights up and he smiles wider than I’ve ever seen him in the year and a half that we’ve been friends.” Jake continued on, sparing no detail except the trans part, seeing as he wasn’t sure if everyone’s aware, though unless Rich had been hugging his chest every single time someone came in for the past few months, Rich was probably out to the friend group. The other detail he chose to emit was the fact that Rich’s new smile, personality quirks, and speech impediment made his face heat up and his stomach flutter. Chloe and Michael’s knowing smirks the whole time made Jake a little flustered, but luckily, it didn’t seem like anyone else noticed.

Well, at least it did until Jenna said, “Jake, I said to spare no detail.”

“I didn’t spare anything!”

“Jake,” Jenna said in that voice that your parents use when they think you’re lying about brushing your teeth.

“Ugh, okay, I spared two things. One, for Rich’s sake and one for my own.”

“Spill,”

“The first part isn’t information that anyone but he should tell and I’m not sure if he’s shared it with you guys yet.”

“Alright, fine, but that second part is about you.”

Jake muttered, “What if I’m not comfortable sharing the information?”

Jenna’s half glare half smirk that she had been wearing during this part of the conversation softened, and she said, “You can tell us anything. I won’t share it if you don’t want me to, and if you don’t want to tell us, then that’s alright, but we’re your friends, Jake, you can trust us with anything.”

“Yeah! We won’t judge you, we promise,” said Brooke, a soft, caring smile on her face.

“Alright, alright. After Rich revealed his lisp, it took me all of a second to develop a crush on him.”

“W-Wait, what? Aren’t you and Chloe going out?” Brooke asked, clearly hurt that Chloe had lied to her.

Chloe shook her head and said, “That’s a front. I’m not comfortable sharing the reason why quite yet, but I will soon. I promise. I’m sorry for lying, but I’ll tell you when I’m ready, okay?” The lovesick smile she gave Brooke would have explained to a fraction of the table why they had been faking the dating thing, but the only person who wasn’t terrible at reading social cues that didn’t know about the fake dating was Jenna. Jenna smirked and giggled.

“O-Okay! Uh, so. You have a crush on Rich?” asked Brooke, clearly still reeling from the news that her best friend was actually single.

“Y-Yeah.” The table was silent for about 2 seconds, then everyone began to talk to him except Chloe and Michael, who just had smirks on their faces, and Christine, who was covering her ears from the sudden spike in noise. Michael was obviously also irritated by the sudden loudness around him, but he wanted to keep his smug image.

Brooke was obviously excited, trying to ask him about things, but since Jenna was poking him in the shoulder and practically yelling, “ooOOooOOO you have a cruuUUuuUUuush!” over and over again, he couldn’t really hear her. Jeremy had a soft smile and was obviously trying to do something akin to what Brooke was doing, though for some reason he had an expression that had an undertone of pain, but again, Jenna.

“Hey, guys, noisy,” Christine managed to squeak out.

“OH! Oh, sorry, Chris,” Jenna said, her face morphing from the childish smirk she had been teasing Jake with to an apologetic, concerned frown. Everyone quieted down, though the noise of the cafeteria didn’t fall with it.

See, the cafeteria is a very, very loud place. Christine and Michael have issues with loud noises, and while the cafeteria was extremely loud, the issue they both had was mostly with sharp, sudden, loud noises, or loud yelling close to their ears. So, the group had to be careful about the noise level they produced in the cafeteria since it was already so loud, and if they were wary, no issues were created.

Once Christine had felt that the noise had quieted down enough to be comfortable, she removed her hands from her ears and onto Jenna’s hands. She said, “It’s alright, Jenna. I get that you get excited about things. I just. Need you to remember that while we’re in the cafeteria, you have to be more careful.” Jenna nodded, her frown changing to a smile, still apologetic. “Anyway, you have a crush on Riiiiiiiich,” Christine cooed.

Jake flushed, and then replied, “Yeah…”

Christine grabbed his hands and said, “Oooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!”

“Sh-Shut up,” Jake said in a joking tone.

Christine’s smile fell for a moment, then she said, “Oh! You weren’t. Being literal. Sorry!” Her smile returned full force and she said, “I will not shut up! I’m going to tease you~” Jake covered his face and groaned.

Chloe said, “As your fake girlfriend, I insist you tell the table everything you like about Rich.”

“Nooooooooo.”

“Yeeeeeesssss.”

“I mean, well…” Everyone’s eyes lit up and they leaned in to listen intently. Jeremy was the only one looking a bit awkward about the whole situation, but then again, when didn’t he look awkward. “He just? Has a really nice smile? A-And his lisp is like the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard? He’s so excitable now and he’s just. Different in all of the best ways.” Jake’s face hurt from the blood in his cheeks. “Don’t get me wrong, the Rich from before was great, and was the best best friend I could ask for but. He’s gone from that guy into a guy that just…” He sighs, lovesick. “Yeah…”

“Aw! That’s so cuuuuuute!” Christine flapped her hands excitedly.

“If any of you tell him about any of this, I’m gonna be really mad, y’know.”

“Of course! This is your love life we’re talking about. Sharing this stuff with your crush, even if Rich is our friend, too, is a big no-no,” said Christine.

“Thanks, guys. So, speaking of Rich, who’s visiting him after school today?”

“Do you want to be with him alone~?” asked Chloe.

“Noooooooo, I would die.”

Chloe explained, “Well, most of us go unless we have something, but Michael and Jeremy usually leave at about 4:30 to play video games and get stoned, or whatever they do every day alone. Jenna leaves early on, too, and Christine with her. I leave at around 5:30 for family dinner and Brooke leaves with me since she’s my ride. What’re you planning?”

“Well, I’m planning on staying until they kick me out, to be quite honest. I gotta make up for missing so much time before, y’know?”

“Aw…” everyone said.

“Yeah, ‘aw’ how cute! Jake ignored his best friend for months.” Jake retorted.

“Don’t beat yourself over this again, Jake. We’ve already talked about this. You had your reasons, and while it was a dick move, it was better for the both of you,” Chloe said.

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Chloe.”

“Of course.”

The rest of lunch kind of blurred together, as people spoke about homework assignments, drama, and other such things. Jake worked on the homework he had already received and the entire time, Jake’s mind was on the way Rich’s face had lit up the day before.

-Tuesday: Visit-

Jake was fidgeting with his sleeves, but this time it was in excitement. Chloe and Brooke had arrived about the same time as him, and as they walked to Rich’s room, Jake could only feel his body fill with energy. He could feel it swirl just beneath his skin, and while he wasn’t actually shaking, it felt like he was.

Right as they were going to enter Rich’s room, Jake pulled Chloe aside. He said, “Chlo, I’m so sorry about outing you earlier today. I shouldn’t have said anything. This just puts pressure on you to come out to everyone and you don’t deserve that.”

“Jake, it’s fine,” Chloe said, smiling. “Jenna was pressuring you to say something, and I don’t blame you for saying the truth. While I’m not exactly ecstatic that now Brooke has this lie weighing on her, I was planning on coming out to her soon, anyway. In fact, that gay powwow we discussed last night, now that you aren’t exactly keeping your crush a secret from everyone, can be used to help me plan my huge romantic gesture.”

Jake smiled in relief, and said, “That sounds great, Chlo.”

“Now, your prince awaits~” Jake groaned and lightly shoved her, making her laugh. “Come on, lovebird.” Chloe opened the door for him, and he walked in.

Brooke was sitting next to Rich’s bed, nodding her head slightly to something that Rich seemed to be very excited about. Jake noted that Rich wasn’t hugging his chest, but his arms were placed so that it didn’t look like much unless you were looking. ‘ _I’ll have to ask him after they’ve all left if he’s out to them yet._ ’ Rich turned his head towards the movement, and his face somehow managed to fit an even bigger smile on his face than before. Jake felt his face heat up and he groaned in his head, though he couldn’t help but smile back. ‘ _This is going to be the best kind of hell I could ask for._ ’

“Jakey D! How are ya, man?”

“I’m doing great. How are you, Rich?”

“I’m doing pretty good I’d say! My best friend is here, along with some of my other friends, and the rest are on their way! I couldn’t ask for more at the moment.”

“Good to hear, dude.”

Brooke smiled at Jake knowingly, and said, “I-I was just helping Rich with his homework, or at least trying to. ‘Cause, like, we give him all of the homework we can every day and help him with it so he isn’t too far behind, y’know? But, um, because he wanted yesterday to be just you, I have to, uh, give him his Honors Physics homework. That was assigned both yesterday and today. We have the same Physics teacher, but I’m nowhere near as good at Physics as him, so I just keep him on track, seeing as he tends to go off on tangents.”

“I really can’t thank you enough, Brooke. I bore everyone else with this stuff, except for Michael, and, well, Jake now, but Michael can’t keep me on track, and Jake hasn’t been here.” Jake grimaced slightly and sat down in one of the few chairs surrounding Rich’s bed.

Brooke said, “It’s really no problem! It helps me with my homework too, so I’m happy to help!” Jake felt a buzzing in his pocket, and he checked it, to find a text from Michael. He smiled apologetically at Rich, and opened the texts, seeing Chloe do the same.

MM: jer and i are almost there

MM: i just needed to remember to make this chat B)

CV: Which is?

MM: gay suffering 2.0

MM: duh

CV: Oh, right.

MM: ill add rich rn

Rich Goranski was added to the chat “gay suffering tm”

Jake was going to have to be careful to know which chat was which, seeing as if he accidentally sent his pining to the wrong chat, Rich would see. And they were named similarly. 

How perfect.

Jeremy and Michael walked in just then, waving, and then standing against the wall.

Jake put his phone on Do Not Disturb, then put it away to listen to Rich explain what he was doing. Jake, while he understood it, was not exactly paying attention to the words Rich was saying, but instead the passion in his eyes and the excitement on his face. Chloe nudged Jake rather forcefully. He turned to her, and she made the motion of texting. He scowled, then checked his texts.

It was from the original gay suffering chat, and it said:

CV: Oh my god.

CV: Jake is making the most lovesick grin a person could make.

CV: Like actual heart eyes emoji.

MM: jaaake

MM: you gotta stop its so obvious

wait what

CV: You look enamoured with him.

i am

MM: yeah but can he know that?

shit

true

what do i do

MM: bro

MM: ur asking the Master of hiding his feelings

MM: all you gotta do

MM: is focus on anything but him while hes talking

MM: with jer i usually focus on

There was a moment where Jake noticed Michael subtly hide his phone from Jeremy, who had just asked who Michael was texting. Michael said he was just asking Jenna what was taking so long with a slightly forced smile. Jeremy seemed suspicious but dropped it. Michael brought his phone back out and shot a text that was probably to Jenna, just in case Jeremy asked her about it.

MM: sorry i almost got caught being a gay mess

MM: but yeah w/ jer i usually focus on like

MM: if i have to shower that day

MM: or if im running out of toothpaste

MM: shit like that

do you ever miss what he’s saying?

MM: i used to

MM: but since im now a Master

MM: i can divert focus to both my bathroom needs

MM: and jers pretty voice

impressive

MM: i know

CV: With Brooke, I just think about all of the homophobic slurs I could get called if I came out.

MM: shit thats heavy

CV: Yes, but it works. 

CV: The only drawback is sometimes I flinch and she asks what’s wrong.

CV: Then I have to pretend that I thought of something bad due to what she said.

CV: And then she apologizes profusely.

MM: damn

CV: The good thing is I’m planning on asking her out this weekend, so I’m either going to no longer need to hide my lovesick smiles, or I’m going to have a broken heart. 

MM: chloe No

MM: shes gonna say yes

MM: i know it

yeah!

she toootally will

CV: Thanks, guys, but neither of you know that.

Jake looked up to Rich having just finished whatever he and Brooke were working on. Jenna poked her head in at that exact moment and said, “The mean nurse won’t let anyone else in your room, so I’m gonna go? But Chris and I just wanted to say hello!”

Rich waved and replied, “I understand! We were stretching his patience with 6 visitors, and now we’ve upped that to 7, so. Have a nice night, guys!” Rich’s smile could’ve outshone the sun. 

_ ‘Wow, he’s so pretty. Shit, uh. I wonder if I should buy a new toothbrush soon…’ _

Jenna waved back and the man Jake inferred to be Rich’s nurse walked in. His nametag read “Andrew”. He was, to be honest, extremely attractive. Like, objectively.

“Mr. Goranski, you really need to organize a better schedule with your friends. Hospital policy states only 3 visitors at a time.” _ ‘Holy shit, 3? Chloe must’ve done her thing and gotten him to allow 6.’ _

“I know, I know. And stop calling me Mr. Goranski, my name’s Rich.”

“Mr. Goranski, you know I am not the kind of person to use first names. It has been months and I will call you Mr. Goranski until the day we are no longer in an employee/client relationship.” Andrew turned to leave, then caught Jake’s eyes. “And who are you?”

“Jake Dillinger, Rich’s best friend.”

“If you are his best friend, how come I have yet to have met you until this evening?” Jake’s warm, welcoming smile shattered to one of shame and embarrassment.

“Uh, Andrew, this is the Jake who’s house is the reason I am here.”

“Oh. I see. Well, I’m glad you have forgiven him for arson.” Jake nodded, confused and somewhat afraid of the attractive nurse that seemed protective of his best friend. “Mr. Dillinger, it was a pleasure to meet you.”

“Uh-huh. Nice to meet you, too?” Andrew then left and Jake said, “Dude, your nurse is scary and attractive.”

“C’mon, Andrew isn’t scary, Jakey.”  _ ‘That nickname is going to kill me.’ _

“He looks so put together. It’s intimidating.” Brooke and Chloe started laughing. 

“Jake? Intimidated? Who’d’ve thought that was even possible!” Chloe teased. Jake kicked her in the shin. “Ow! Fuck you, Jake, that hurt!” She was laughing. Jake laughed back and that’s when Jake heard a noise that was more angelic than angels somehow.

Rich was giggling and snorting and Jake forgot how to breathe.

Chloe started laughing at Jake’s face, and she kicked him in the shin so he wouldn’t look like the most lovesick idiot on planet Earth. 

Jake still couldn’t breathe, though he had gotten control over his facial expressions. 

Rich’s giggle was soft, breathy, and sounded like a car that couldn’t start, but somehow it still managed to quite literally steal Jake’s breath away. And then Rich snorted and Jake turned bright red. He stood up, excused himself to go to the bathroom, hit his head on the doorframe as he was leaving, and then sat in the hallway. He then proceeded to open his texts. 

MM: DUDE YOU ARE A GAY MESS IM DLKFJDSLKFJDSGIUDISFKJ

CV: J a k e . . .

CV: That was, without a doubt, the gayest you’ve ever looked.

CV: And, it was hilarious.

CV: 10/10, my friend.

:(

his laugh is so good what do i do

MM: i dont really know why ur so enamored w/ it

CV: It honestly sounds like he’s choking.

mean

that laugh is the most beautiful sound heard by human ears

and chlo i get you not liking it seeing as ur a lesbian

but michael

youre gay you should understand

MM: im just not in2 rich that way my friend

good 

if you were id have to kill you

;)

MM: well thats scary

MM: hey siri remind me to never crush on jakes romantic interests

im kidding

<3

MM: its k,,,,,,,, ily <3

CV: Touching moment, fellas, but let’s get back to the matter at hand. 

MM: do u not love us chlo :’(

CV: Ugh, fine. 

CV: I love you both. 

MM: thnk u ily2 <333333

CV: I know.

CV: Now, Jake, get back in here. 

Jake sighed, stood up, and walked back into the room. Rich was working on a worksheet that Chloe was helping him with, and it was obvious he was having trouble with whatever it was. 

“Jaaaakeyyyy,” Rich whined.  _ ‘Did I remember to shower this morning?’ _

“What’s up, dude?” 

“I’m so bad at history.”

“Dude, same.” Jake wasn’t lying, at least from his perspective. He was barely holding a B in US History with Ms. Croix. For Jake, that was equivalent to failing out of the class.

Chloe flicked Rich’s bandaged shoulder and said, “Hush, I’m helping you. Stay focused, and it’ll be done before you know it. Get sidetracked, and it’ll take longer.”

Rich replied, “You say that like it’s easy.”

Chloe shook her head and said, “It’s easier for some than it is for others. It’s all a matter of perspective. Now, cmon, you’re halfway done.” Rich groaned and returned to the page. Jake shook his head, smiling, and left to grab his backpack from his car. He may as well get some of his homework done now.

When he came back, Rich was writing down the answers with an extremely pained look on his face, and Jake’s smile grew from amused to fond.

The rest of the visit was spent working on homework and, surprisingly, once everyone but Jake left, talking about musicals. 

Jake had quite a few new soundtracks to catch up on when he left.

-Tuesday:  Nightmare Memory-

He was walking around in his house, picking up all of the pictures of his parents that he saw.

They had left him behind and every face was a reminder that it was just him from now on.

The fire the pictures made was small, and Jake cut his fingers on the glass that all of the broken frames had created.

And he was bleeding bleeding bleeding bleeding.

And he was alone.

-Wednesday: ???-

Waking up on Wednesday felt like death. 

Jake remembered little of what happened that day because of the weight pressing down on all of his limbs. Every conversation was forgotten the moment it was over. He was just going through the motions of a Wednesday.

A fake smile could go a long way. 

None of his friends noticed. 

-Wednesday: Jenna-

Or, at least, that’s what he thought.

Hey, Jake?

You seemed kinda off today.

You alright, bud?

yeah! im great

thanks for the concern tho!!! i feel loved :D

Don’t pull that with me, Dillinger.

Everyone’s worried about you. Especially Rich.

You kept spacing out and when you would your smile would just.

Stay on your face.

Like it was frozen there.

oh uh

thats just what happens when i zone out!

Jacob Marie Dillinger. Don’t lie to me.

my middle name isnt marie

Don’t avoid the issue, either.

Jake. I.

I know how you feel.

At least, in my own way.

Please, let me listen to your problems.

It’ll make me feel like we’re actually friends.

mm

ok i guess

the issue is that

nothings wrong

im just tired and i dont feel anything

except an overwhelming feeling of dread and heaviness

this happens a lot tho and itll pass on its own

thats why i just play it off

smiling and just letting it fade away is the only cure that i know of

that and cardio

but i cant exactly do that anymore

Jake, that’s. Awful.

I’m sorry that I can’t help more.

nonono

jenna the fact that yall noticed that i was upset means so much?

like just knowing that has me feeling tons better

i always kinda feel like im just? the popular pretty guy?

and that im not allowed to feel upset

and that people are my friends for the image rather than because they care

so the fact that youre here for me means a lot

Of course, Jake.

We’re your friends, and we love you and care about you.

If you ever need someone to vent to, I’m here, okay?

alright

my ears are always open too

if you need to get something off your chest

cuz we are actually friends

Thanks, Jake.

Seeya tomorrow <3

yeah <3

Jake sighed, ran his fingers through his hair, then smiled. The smile was just for him. It was small and mostly fake, but there was an air of genuineness to it.

Bad days are just bad  _ days _ , after all.

-Wednesday: Nightmare ?-

Strange how often his dreams had to do with his house with his prison with his home.

Everything was frozen, including him, and the house was falling apart. Decaying. Crumbling. It was going to collapse on him. 

All he could do was wait for the final fiber of wood to crack.

He couldn’t move couldn’t breathe couldn’t blink.

Just wait.

-Thursday: Homework-

Jake had his laptop on his desk, and he was staring blankly at the screen where an empty google doc was open.

This essay was going to be the death of him.

He understood the material, had paid attention in class and taken notes and knew what the essay was about and what subjects he needed to talk about.

He just didn’t know how to write it.

Like, fundamentally. The ability to write the essay wasn’t there.

This wasn’t the first time something of this sort had happened. And it surely wouldn’t be the last, but Jake hated it. It made his head feel too small for the ideas inside it and it made him extremely uncomfortable. 

He was supposed to be smart, and these types of things always made him feel inadequate. 

He knew that what he had to do was just bullshit the essay, get a low grade on it, and just let it pass but the issue was he didn’t want to write an essay he knew was going to end up terrible. That he knew was going to earn him a C+.

He forced himself to anyway.

The entire process took much too long, but once the essay was complete, he submitted it and forgot about it.

It was the only way he knew how to deal with not being enough.

-Thursday: Visit-

Everyone else had left, and it was just Jake and Rich. They were chatting about nothing in particular, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. The subject of Molly came up, and Rich asked who took care of her while Jake was in the hospital.

Jake said, “A neighbor of mine took care of her until I was discharged. Speaking of, when do you get discharged?” 

“This Saturday!”

“Sweet. I can pick you up around noonish I think? Then we can steal your stuff from your house and move you in!”

“Jake, I really can’t express how thankful I am for you taking me in.”

“Dude, it’s fine. You’re my best friend. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Rich gave a wide smile and then went off about how he may or may not break things doing engineering experiments. Jake sighed happily and listened on. 

He really was excited to be living with his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KEEP ON FORGETTING TO SAY THIS BUT TYSM FOR UR KUDOS AND COMMENTS!!! this is the most feedback ive ever received on a fic and it makes all of the pain of writing suuuper worth it  
> this chapter is.. bad imo but now that its done i have 3 chapters that are actually planned in my head to write so hopefully my characterization will stay solid through these bc in this one i feel like it was iffy  
> also! i have a musical im writing in my head called 'my name isn't millie' ! its abt a trans guy named milo who hasnt come out to anyone really and even when he does he still looks like a girl so ppl dont exactly treat him like a dude and its about how his life kinda sucks! my question is this:  
> should the kids preform this musical OR  
> should my OCs from this be background characters? lmk in the comments what you'd guys prefer to see!!!!  
> as of right now, a different source is where the characters that are barely mentioned are coming from! if you can tell me the source i'll give u a gift! (a oneshot, a drawing, my love, etc. really whatever u want!)  
> anyways!!! have a lovely day!


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